You don't have to be a baby to cry

My friend Eric just broke me off, I can't say how much I enjoy this song.



It's so cold today! I walked to Fremont, had the most unpleasant time with the wind and my runny nose, its a miracle I ever leave the house at all these days. My big thing recently is listening to audio books while I walk. Right now it is The Once And Future King by T.H. White, an all time favorite of mine. I think I have never related to a character more than I did to Lancelot as a kid. Of course I wasn't freakishly strong or handsome, but the whole self loathing, unloved, fatal flaw thing was something I could understand, even in my pre-pubescent state. I dream of one day finding love, but like Lancelot I think its always going to be the bad kind, I just don't like hardly anyone. People that like me are generally suspicious/absurd or genius. People who don't are either idiots or immensely attractive. At least I haven't knocked anyone up like he did, or slept with a married woman.

2 days until I go home. I'm basically killing time until then. I really have only a handful of friends. I know these things go in cycles, its low tide though and I'm a little bit frightened. One day you pull your mind out of that all pervading self obsession and realize everyone else has moved on while you're still childish and alone as ever.

I will end on my favorite recent phrase that I listened to (read?) today on my walk. "seraphic smile". That is all.