I hate this job and this vampire schedule. I don't have much of a social life any more. I can't go to the church I like. I'm having insane mood swings. I feel really really old. I feel tired.

Flipside: I've lost a bunch of weight and started getting stronger. I've been listening to lots of music, almost too much really. But this has given me a chance to reassess my Tom Waits aversion. The jury is still sort of out, but I really appreciate the jazz standardyness of some songs and his melodies are really memorable at times, as are the lyrics. I guess I'm at a point where I can say I appreciate him as a song writer. The whole white boy Louis Armstrong thing still grates on me, but not to the point of red hot rage like it once did.

I had a dream about my friend that stopped being a Christian recently. Then the dream changed and I was in my old room in California with my little brother. He was asleep and I was trying to sleep. I went to our closet which turned out to be huge. I turned on the light and looked around, seemed like a boat house or something. When I came back in our room James was up and playing video games. Then he started telling me how he doesn't believe in Jesus anymore. Then my whole family woke up and started hanging out, laughing about how weird we are. I woke up feeling really sad.