Black Wings, Black Words

Heavy week. Heavy heart.

I long for the arrogant certainty of childhood. I feel 30 looming. It's not going to be pretty.

Skype is one the wonders of the modern world. I made an account finally, patrick.landfair, add me. I'm lonely here, and would love to talk to you, whoever you are.

I've been devouring George R.R. Martin's "A Song Of Ice and Fire" saga. I'm 900 pages into his 4th book of the series, "A Feast For Crows". It's the weakest offering yet, but still pretty good. Too much political intrigue and introspection for me, not enough Direwolves and Dragons and 500,000 man battles. I can't wait to finish it and start on "A Dance Of Dragons", I bought a gigantic hardcover with special maps and stuff, its so much cooler than the paperbacks I'm used to. The way the story is going, this one is set up to be more action packed, at least to start.

My whole family has switched over to E-Readers and can't seem to stop espousing the merits of digital print to me, but I am not sold. I hate the grey screen of the kindle, and the backlit Nook. My eyes just don't feel good looking on them. It's somehow too stimulating, and far too sterile. I hate going one page at a time, it ruins the rhythm I have of skimming both pages quickly and then reading them more deliberately. I can't really explain it, but having two pages to see at a time is really important to me. I much prefer reading analog, and I don't think I'm likely to change my mind.

ahhhh

Le Sighhhh......




Reminds me a bit of this song in spirit. I'm really big on Sebastien Tellier. This is one of the more haunting songs I've heard.




Goodbye
The lion stares high
And all the universe cries
For your memory
I hate I
Oh, could you lead my lips to sigh

Somehow, I smothered rainbows
And all the universe crawls
Farthest ends of me
I'm in now

Homewards, he dealed with scarecrows
And all the universe knows
Wailing finally
I would roar

Oh, could you fail in me
Sin calls

Goodbye
I've wandered 'round isles
And all the universe cries
For your memory
I warned I
Oh, starry are your spheres, delight

I just posted to my livejournal, I feel like I need at least one post a year there. I've had it for ten years I just realized. That makes me feel really sad.

My girlfriend moved to new york, crazy times. I have a lot more time to read right now, I've been loving that. It's too hot to do much else.

I love summer. It's such a celebration of life. And life is the best.

Every day here has a heat index of over 100 and humidity of 90+%. Some days my dog hardly even wants to go for a walk once we get outside. Cicada's sing her to sleep as I scratch her chin. Lazy Junebugs bang against our screen door and sometimes my bedroom window when my lamp is on late at night.

I love smelling the magnolia trees in the shade of those shiny dark leaves.


I love finding Crape Myrtle blossoms in my hair when I get into bed.


I love going to Dixie Cafe my Grandmother and visiting over a plate of fried catfish, fried okra, sweet corn, and turnip greens. She tells me about when she was young, how movies cost a dime and a quarter would get you a ticket, a bag of popcorn, and a box of milkduds. She tells me song lyrics I would really get a kick out of. "Ain't We Got Fun", and some old Cole Porter song which escapes me. We talk about Alien life and Art Bell. She doesn't have much time left, she talks about that sometimes too. I hope she has another decade in her at least, I can't imagine raising children in a world without her.

Walking in the rain

Last night was chilly, it got back into the 60's. Around 2 am there was another lovely thunderstorm. All day I've been thinking of that Ronnettes song, "Walking In The Rain".



I can't get enough of girl groups. I've been listening to Northern Soul singers more lately too, or U.S. hits that only made it big in The UK. If English people like a pop hit, it probably rules, they are NOT playing.

I'm happy in Little Rock, but I'm lonesome without my friends. I've never been lonesome in this way before, its strange. I really love my time I have with my family and my girlfriend, but I miss having friends to be with. The only person in my world right now that has similar cultural sensibilities is my mom. She's not chopped liver, but I wish I had a friend here that wanted to watch a foreign film, or share snobby opinions on music and pop culture.

Richard St. John's 8 secrets of success | Video on TED.com

Richard St. John's 8 secrets of success | Video on TED.com

I don't have the patience for self help books, so this was nice.
For future reference.

It's good to touch the green green grass of home.

I can't sleep, but it just so happens there is an incredibly powerful thunderstorm happening right now so its not all bad. I'm missing my friends. As I'm typing a crack of thunder shook the windows and made me jump. And now, after only a few minutes, the storm is rolling past. The rain is mostly gone now, although I can see lightning in the distance, and the drain outside is chugging along just the same.

I'm missing my friends. Missing the levity and simplicity of youth. My life has changed significantly in the last 4 months. It's all progress, I don't doubt that, but its hard sometimes. I don't want to grow up. I guess thats why I'm still not a grown up.

Spring is here. It's the season that makes life worth anything, the time when I feel good just being alive. There will never be enough good poems about it, its awe inspiring. Its my first southern Spring in 14 years and I'm a fool for it, I don't want it to ever end.

I really love Laura. Seeing her is the best part of my day. I feel like I can be myself completely with her, something I've never been able to say before with a girl. Tomorrow she starts production on Hairspray, I think her character is named Amber? She's the blond mean girl in the play in any case. Anyway, we won't see each other much between now and May 8th. She's free in the day and I'm free at night, what an inversion!
Oh, I meant to write about this when it happened, but last weekend we went to Brinkley to meet her family. I think it was a hit, her dad gave me an Elvis pillow and told me I had a workers hands. Her mom made me cheese grits, it was pretty cool. The next day I went to Graceland with Laura, and I think its safe to say that it was a life changing experience for me. I don't want to overstate anything, but I will say this: the night before we left I played "Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain" for Laura, and on the tour we learned that Elvis actually played that on his piano for friends just hours before he died. Coincidence, or spiritual kinship?

I want to read Hesiod next. Writing this on here so I don't forget.

I'm so sad that Japan is getting hit so hard. Like so many nerdy men in the world I love Japan, it is dear to my heart. I think we all should intercede for all the sweet, scared people there. Prayer seems so futile in the face of something like this, but I know it isn't. I'm breaking my Lenten fast to stay up and watch CNN, I guess I'll do better tomorrow...

Before I sleep:
I HATE WHEN MAJOR MEDIA OUTLET NEWS PROGRAMS QUOTE TWITTER IN BREAKING NEWS. I CANNOT EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH. IT IS SO INANE AND CORNY. BROADCASTERS ARE PAID TO INFORM US WITH PROFESSIONAL SOURCES, NOT READ THEIR TWITTER FEED OVER LIVE TV.